Paul Bunyan - By VinCactus

Paul Bunyan is a gigantic lumberjack from Minnesota. His exact height is unknown, but it is said to be anywhere from 7 to 80 feet tall. He is accompanied on his adventures by a massive blue ox named Babe. He is allegedly as strong as a dozen men and faster than a speeding bullet, allegedly outrunning a shot from his own gun, and shooting himself on accident. Other feats that Paul has done include clearing an entire forest with one swing of his axe, carving the Grand Canyon on accident while dragging his axe behind him, and digging the great lakes of Michigan because some of his companions said they were thirsty. 

His strength is quite hard to quantify, since there are a shockingly low amount of stories that mention his strength. It is said that as a child, he was as strong as a dozen men. Since an average man can lift about 155 pounds, this means he could lift 1860. There is also a story that says he drove a wagon too close to a wall to turn around, so he picked it up and turned it around. A wagon can weigh about 6,000 pounds. Plus, it was being drawn by an ox, meaning that he can lift another 3000 pounds, adding his total lifting weight to about 9,000 lbs. However, it’s unknown how many oxen there were. On average, there are 8 oxen pulling a standard wagon. This means that he could lift over 30,000 pounds. That’s the weight of a semi-truck. 

Back to his speed, since he could outrun a bullet, we know that he travels at least 1800 mph. This means that Paul Bunyan can travel at Mach 2.3, or 2.3 times the speed of sound. Most fighter jets fly in the Mach 2.5 - 3.5 range, meaning that Paul Bunyan is nearly as fast as a fighter jet. Some accounts even say that he sent a telegram from France to New York City, but made it to the Statue of Liberty before the telegram had made it ⅓ of the way there, meaning he may have traveled as fast as 3689 miles per hour, putting him just shy of Mach 5, or over a mile a second. There is a story, however, that implies he can move even faster still. It’s said that when he was a kid, he could blow out a candle on one side of the room, and get into bed on the other before the room got dark. That’s right, Paul Bunyan is traveling faster than the speed of light. Paul Bunyan breaks the laws of thermodynamics for fun before bedtime. Fun fact! If you travel faster than the speed of light, that means that you have infinite mass, and to move infinite mass, you need infinite energy. The issue with infinite energy is that it would create a black hole where you stand, meaning that Paul Bunyan has the ability to generate black holes on command. 

Paul Bunyan is an absolute beast. I would doubt there is anybody who could beat him in a fight. I’d like to see you try to take down an 80 foot tall lumberjack who can throw a semi truck at you and run faster than the speed of light. Regardless, I think he’s got a pretty good chance of taking down whoever it is you decide to match him up against.